"I wish you wouldn’t have hurt yourself. Whoever it was wasn’t worth all that."
Back then, what I said to her was if you say “sorry one more time, I’ll slice my wrist.”
She didn’t. But in the end, I did something anyways.
A couple of years back, my hands and arms will full of bruises, cuts and random injuries from just not giving a shit. I did things ranging from starving myself, overworking, being reckless - hurting myself and letting myself bleed from injuries. It all sounds familiar I guess, though to a lower extent of what I’ve been doing.
The negative emotions I feel inside, it’s not like I want to.
I had people who listened but that’s all they could do. Listen.
What upsets me was, nothing came out of it but pity. No one could really do anything. Talking in general doesn’t exactly make me feel better.
It was also a circular argument.
You don’t care, why should I. I don’t care, why should you?
It was rather an embarrassing day at the office.
At lunch, I told one of my coworkers that I ate at an interesting fine-dining Japanese restaurant with a friend who treated me.
It was overheard by my other coworker which immediately started rapid-firing questions assuming it was a romantic dinner. Others started joining in and prying into my relationship “issues”.
I told them they got the wrong idea and somehow I mentioned how the feelings I have for someone else is rather unrequited thus one thing led to another and the entire party of who I usually have lunch with got into the conversation. Everyone was prying, asking me questions and saying things. I was the focus of attention. I was the youngest in the office with a bunch of 27+ year olds - probably the smartest people i’ve ever met: trying to give me relationship advice. They were light-hearted and gave advice on how to escape the “friendzone” though I never really asked for any.
"You should have told us about the dinner beforehand! We would wire you with walkie-talkies."
"You can do either one of two things: quit now or tell her how you feel."
"And you should probably do it in the next couple of days."
"And don’t forget to report back to us. This is all we got to live for here at work! Nothing exciting and dramatic ever happens here."
"Rejection will be okay! Move on from it! Better than staying where you are now."
I was about to die from embarrassment but, I can’t ignore it was heartwarming. I also can’t ignore the validity of their statements.
I only have like a month left of work before I leave. I’ll miss them.
2: Ever been in love? Sorta.
3: Ever had a terrible breakup? all breakups are terrible.
4: How tall are you? 183 cm or 6 ’ 0.
5: How much do you weigh? 142 lbs.
6: Any tattoos? Always wanted but probably won’t since I can’t pull it off after age 30.
7: Any piercings? None at all.
I have a few… LOL, won’t name all of them: Ichigo X Orihime, Kenshin X Kaoru, Edward X Winry, Alphonse X May, Aang X Katara, Percy X Annabeth, Sora X Kairi, Tifa X Cloud, Zack X Aerith, Squall X Rinoa, Tidus X Yuna, Athrun X Cagalli … yeah that’s it for now.
9: Favorite show? I don’t really watch reality TV shows to be honest. As for Anime (shows): Bleach, Avatar, Kuroko no basket, Attack on Titans… one of those.
10: Favorite bands? uverworld used to be my favorite band but now, i haven’t really listened to much band music. I used listen to Simple Plan, Nickelback and Green Day songs religiously though.
11: Something you miss? Autumn.
12: Favourite Song? At the moment : Tablo’s version of “Eyes, nose , lips”. or Epik High’s “With You”
13: How old are you? 20.
14: Zodiac sign? Libra.
15: Quality you look for in a partner? It’s rather complicated. I don’t even know. When it comes down to it, a good heart and open mind.
16: Favorite quote?
Don’t really have one. But one that’s on my mind: “When you fall, get right back up.”
17: Favorite actor? Jackie Chan… probably. Or Stephen Chow
18: Favorite color? Yellow
19: Loud music or soft? Depends on the mood.
20: Where do you go when you’re sad? Dream-world. Parks.
21: How long does it take you to shower? generally 20 minutes.
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 10-15 minutes if I don’t space out.
23: Ever been in a physical fight? Haha, a couple actually. I was rather a rough kid.
24: Turn on? in appearance or in actions? Compassion.
25: Turn off? Being not considerate towards others. Rude. Bad hygiene.
26: The reasons I joined Tumblr? A classmate of mine had one at the time and it looked amazing, I therefore followed. Therapeutic reasons and the fact I always wanted to blog.
27: Fears? Letting people die.
28: Last thing that made you cry? … well. I haven’t been able to cry for a long long time. But, I get heartaches and it feels similar. The last time was when I visited my orphaned “god-sister” and how she talked about her mom.
29: Last time you said you loved someone? Probably January 18th. “Much loves” I said.
30: Meaning behind your Tumblr name? a girl who I had a sorta mutual crush with on in elementary created a nickname for me since when she entered high school, there was a gazillion Jasons. Even if she called me it once, It kinda stuck and it was unique I guess. jazona.
31: Last book you read? “Divergence”.
32: The book you’re currently reading? Reading “Fault in Our Stars” but, don’t have the heart to really finish it. I know how emotional it is.
33: Last show you watched? Avatar: Legend of Korra.
34: Last person you talked to? Sister.
35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? friend.
36: Favorite food? Seafood.
37: Place you want to visit? San Fran, Hong Kong, Melbourne, Japan, London.. there’s loads.
38: Last place you were? Uh, my room?
39: Do you have a crush? Sorta. Hard to explain.
40: Last time you kissed someone? Probably March? Or was it May. I kissed her forehead. I didn’t know how else to express how much I appreciated her gesture at that time. Unfortunately, she’s an idiot and she’s giving me a lot of grief lately.
41: Last time you were insulted? At dinner. LOL I don’t go a day without getting insulted by family xD. Kinda tough love that I’m used to.
42: Favorite flavor of sweet? chocolate.
43: What instruments do you play? Guitar.
44: Favorite piece of jewelry? Necklaces.
45: Last sport you played? Badminton yesterday with my co-workers.
46: Last song you sang? Eyes, Nose, Lips - Tablo.
47: Favorite chat up line? Hey~
48: Have you ever used it? is this really a question.
49: Last time you hung out with someone? The 5th of July. Lets just say it was an interesting day.
I don’t like goodbyes.
But I don’t like it more when people don’t say it.
Don’t just leave. It’s rather rude.
All it takes is just “I’m going now” or “bye”.