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''LifeofJaseZ''
October 21st 2014

I’ve really isolated myself for today’s occasion.

I didn’t post my birthday on facebook, twitter or skype. I displayed it to be all private. I’ve only kept it on tumblr since well, on whim I guess.

I told my close friends not to do anything for me today due to my depressed state of mind and my school’s midterm schedule. I lied to a lot of people saying “it passed” or “it’s on the 25th”, or “I don’t even remember”. I’m telling my friends that I’m going to celebrate on Saturday so save all the greetings, gifts and stuff for that date.
In reality, I don’t think I am. I really don’t feel like it. 

I would have gotten a lot of attention on those social media accounts above. I don’t know why. I just didn’t want it this year.

I didn’t want to hear “happy birthday” since, well, I wasn’t.
Today wasn’t that good of a day either. I woke up early, wandered aimlessly alone for a bit before attending the algorithms class and getting reminded how I don’t think I’ll ever be prepared for Thursday’s midterm.
I woke up to a bit of sunshine. Then it was cloudy and then it drizzled for a bit. It was cold. Not that it bothered me.

I tried studying. It’s just not working out right now. This material is not intuitive at all… yeah. I’m totally going to fail at the rate I’m going.


October 21st 2014

Trying on clothes is really hard when you hate yourself. Liking someone is really hard when you hate yourself. Eating is really hard when you hate yourself. Life is really hard when you hate yourself.

(Source: shrekeleton, via veliikaya)


October 21st 2014
Today is yellow. 

… It’s my favorite color and this is the best I can do.

Today is yellow.

… It’s my favorite color and this is the best I can do.


October 21st 2014

I don’t remember the last time someone ran up to me and hugged me like that.

It was rather heartwarming.


October 21st 2014

I haven’t been doing too well. In matter of fact, I’ve had many depressing thoughts this month in general. 
I would even confess that I had this weird feeling something bad is going to happen to me. Like, I’d lose my life. I thought I’d disappear somehow. Can’t really explain it. I just felt like my time is running out.

I’ve been anything but happy and I’ve been honestly trying. 
I’m just tired.

Nothing’s really going right. Things are kinda falling apart for me and I’m not even “over-thinking”. I’m just not doing well. School’s a big part of this depressing rain cloud. Heck I’m spending the rest of this week studying for Thursday’s exam.

Anyways, I do this every year since 2011.
First of all, I truly love each and everybody here who reads and cares about the shit I post here. Now I’m going to be selfish and ask anyone to leave a message..

Go ahead. Haters. Supporters. Anon or not anon. It’s my birthday. Give me a heart-to-heart message. I actually keep all my inbox messages. 

http://jazona.tumblr.com/ask

http://jazona.tumblr.com/ask

http://jazona.tumblr.com/ask


October 21st 2014

Birthday wishes:

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October 20th 2014

"Everybody’s lucky to have a friend like you, you know that?" she says.

"Don’t say such silly things." I replied

Besides.


October 20th 2014

Just want to list my favorites from Epik High of which I have playing on repeat right now.

Eyes, Nose, Lips - Tablo
One (Feat. 지선) - Epik High
It’s Cold - Epik High
With You Feat BiBi - Epik High
Tomorrow (Feat, Taeyang) - Tablo
Bad (Feat. Jinsil)- Tablo
1분1초 - Epik High
Run - Epik HIgh

I love these songs so much, each and every one of them.
These lyrics are very close to my heart.


October 20th 2014

I can’t ignore you make me feel happy.

I also want you to stay in my life.

It hurts like fuck. But I won’t say anything.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from last time,

it’s to keep your mouth fucking shut Jas.


October 20th 2014
I kinda only decided today. It’s because of all the compliments I got today for wearing an actual color. I’m therefore going to be really lame during my birthday week and throughout the next 7 days, I’m going to wear a prominent different color.
Why is this a big deal? I usually only work in black, white, gray and dark blue.
Today is red. I like red.
I actually love red. It’s my second favorite color.

I kinda only decided today. It’s because of all the compliments I got today for wearing an actual color. I’m therefore going to be really lame during my birthday week and throughout the next 7 days, I’m going to wear a prominent different color.

Why is this a big deal? I usually only work in black, white, gray and dark blue.

Today is red. I like red.

I actually love red. It’s my second favorite color.


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